The answer is…they are all found on this page!
I could use some humor in my life right now. Tonight I found some really funny quotes…I hope they lighten your day too.
You don't say…
- It is not my fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Me a skeptic? Do you have proof?
- My husband said I never listen to him—at least I think that's what he said.
- Constipated people don't give a crap.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't (I think this is my fav).
- Procrastinate Now!
- No sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway!
Isn't that the truth!
- In America anyone can be president—that's one of the risks you take.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Everyone is normal until you get to know them.
- If you want to find an easier way to do a task, assign it to a lazy person.
- If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
- If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- People usually get what's coming to them—unless it's been mailed.
- A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
- Confucius say, "Man who farts in church must sit in own pew."
- All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
- There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
- Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- Life is a sexually transmitted, fatal disease.
I couldn't agree more:
- When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did—in his sleep and not screaming like the other 4 passengers in his car.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- He ended the job as he began it: fired with enthusiasm.
- Remember kids, once you have pulled the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.
- Where there's a will…I want to be in it.
- EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.